683,236 notes
  

mufasamonsta:

tahthetrickster:

i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

image

image

image

image

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

image

"THAT’S RIGHT TWAS I that set the house ablaze!!!”




900 notes
  

The very first moment you got a taste of independence - when word had spread in your school that somebody’s mum and dad were going away for the weekend, and that the person was having a party. Now the person never knew they were having a party - perhaps having is the wrong choice of word - they were getting a party. When I was growing up, it was called an empty - it derives from the fact that the person would have the house to themselves, an empty house - thus, an “empty”.
Now you musn’t confuse the empty with the high school parties you see in American movies, yeah? “Hey man, you guys - you guys know a kid called Chad Hogan?” “Yeah, man! Everyone knows Chad Hogan, dude! He’s like, the coolest kid in high school?” “Well Chad Hogan’s mom and dad are going away to Long Island for the weekend, man.” “There’s a party at Chad Hogan’s place?” “Yeah! Spring Break, yeahhh!”
Then it shows you Chad Hogan’s party - they guy’s booked a band for his living room! Everybody’s nodding and drinking from these plastic cups - “Great party Chad, yeah! Woohoo!” A bedroom door opens and some guy emerges - “Guess who got to first base last night?! Yeah!” The guy’s 35 years old. Those weren’t the kind of parties we had. We didn’t have Spring Break - we had the Easter Holidays. 
A lot more tension in an empty - somebody’s psycho cousin would disrupt the ambience by announcing he’d purchased twelve cans - drank two, spilt one, but only had seven left. “Turn that music off - we’ve got a can thief - fucking turn that down!” Somebody else in a corner smoking a joint and blowing it into your labrador’s face - an intelligent dog, as well, and it’s sitting there frazzled. Another guy’s just trying on people’s jackets - “Does this one suit me?” Not even “does it fit me”? The guy’s a petty thief but he’s also a fashionista. The same guy at the end of the night’s walking out holding a microwave - “I think you’ll find I brought this with me…. and I don’t care for the accusation. I mean, why would I steal a microwave?” (x)

The very first moment you got a taste of independence - when word had spread in your school that somebody’s mum and dad were going away for the weekend, and that the person was having a party. Now the person never knew they were having a party - perhaps having is the wrong choice of word - they were getting a party. When I was growing up, it was called an empty - it derives from the fact that the person would have the house to themselves, an empty house - thus, an “empty”.

Now you musn’t confuse the empty with the high school parties you see in American movies, yeah? “Hey man, you guys - you guys know a kid called Chad Hogan?” “Yeah, man! Everyone knows Chad Hogan, dude! He’s like, the coolest kid in high school?” “Well Chad Hogan’s mom and dad are going away to Long Island for the weekend, man.” “There’s a party at Chad Hogan’s place?” “Yeah! Spring Break, yeahhh!”

Then it shows you Chad Hogan’s party - they guy’s booked a band for his living room! Everybody’s nodding and drinking from these plastic cups - “Great party Chad, yeah! Woohoo!” A bedroom door opens and some guy emerges - “Guess who got to first base last night?! Yeah!” The guy’s 35 years old. Those weren’t the kind of parties we had. We didn’t have Spring Break - we had the Easter Holidays.

A lot more tension in an empty - somebody’s psycho cousin would disrupt the ambience by announcing he’d purchased twelve cans - drank two, spilt one, but only had seven left. “Turn that music off - we’ve got a can thief - fucking turn that down!” Somebody else in a corner smoking a joint and blowing it into your labrador’s face - an intelligent dog, as well, and it’s sitting there frazzled. Another guy’s just trying on people’s jackets - “Does this one suit me?” Not even “does it fit me”? The guy’s a petty thief but he’s also a fashionista. The same guy at the end of the night’s walking out holding a microwave - “I think you’ll find I brought this with me…. and I don’t care for the accusation. I mean, why would I steal a microwave?” (x)




139,496 notes
  



11 notes

The overheard in waitrose thing might seem ridiculous but I’ve had a customer shout at me because she “can’t believe we only have spanish salami and not Danish; and that its just not good enough”

#waitrose #britain



230,316 notes
  
mayflyofspace:

"OI MATE U CHATTIN SHIT OR WOT ILL FUCKIN NUT U ONE"

mayflyofspace:

"OI MATE U CHATTIN SHIT OR WOT ILL FUCKIN NUT U ONE"




it’s funny how so many people on tumblr have a superiority complex and believe they are unbelievably intelligent because they can find “discrimination” so covered up by white cis men that the only other people on planet earth to spot it are their tumblr friends when in fact they are really fuckin stupid

#rant #social justice



38,446 notes
  

merlotte:

fagsindubai:

Friendly reminder  ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) that if you don’t sleep with someone for the sole reason that they’re HIV positive then you ARE being discriminatory towards a human being with a disease and you’re scum of the earth 。◕‿◕。 It’s basically as bad as saying you couldn’t love somebody with cancer. Respect people’s feelings. (◕‿◕✿)

*five-second-long fart noise*




101,649 notes
  

theodd1sout:

This will help you write good.




118,918 notes
  

cedrikaprovencher:

landorus:

i feel like ‘restaurant’ shouldnt be spelled like that

les anglophones volent des mots à d’autres langues puis chialent parce qu’ils ne sont pas orthographiés comme ils le voudraient




149,821 notes
  
dutchster:

nonespark:

sterlingkato:

MEMO: The space bar is important. 

how. IN THE FUCK. did that get through.
who was drunk and officially sent this advertisement out. who didn’t tell them something was wrong. who put up an inappropriately faulty billboard without anyone saying anything.
what monkeys were in charge of this operation.

probably not the ones who made the real one

dutchster:

nonespark:

sterlingkato:

MEMO: The space bar is important. 

how. IN THE FUCK. did that get through.

who was drunk and officially sent this advertisement out. who didn’t tell them something was wrong. who put up an inappropriately faulty billboard without anyone saying anything.

what monkeys were in charge of this operation.

probably not the ones who made the real one




217,175 notes
  

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

in-love-with-my-bed:

capsicleandmetalman:

finnyisintheimpala:

cocoparadis:

circusbones:

gregore:

The Avengers give Peter Parker a ‘hair cut’.

“HOW.”

my little american

THOR OMG

This isn’t science 

thank.

There isnt a single part of this that isnt gold




101,658 notes
  
vanjalen:

i love every part of this

vanjalen:

i love every part of this




2 notes
  
mhermeiser164:

thisurlisunavailable:

guess what i’m drawing
i’ll give you a clue; he has a stupid ass metal arm that is bloody annoying to draw

I FUCKING DREW THIS! ive got the drawing right infront of me and my dad will confirm! report this tranny fuck! add me on skype at MherMeiser!

did you



did you really

mhermeiser164:

thisurlisunavailable:

guess what i’m drawing

i’ll give you a clue; he has a stupid ass metal arm that is bloody annoying to draw

I FUCKING DREW THIS! ive got the drawing right infront of me and my dad will confirm! report this tranny fuck! add me on skype at MherMeiser!

did you

did you really

#i don't think this guy is serious #but i'm still laughing



2 notes
guess what i’m drawing
i’ll give you a clue; he has a stupid ass metal arm that is bloody annoying to draw

guess what i’m drawing

i’ll give you a clue; he has a stupid ass metal arm that is bloody annoying to draw

#my art



181,750 notes
  

mshoneysucklepink:

A Compilation Video of Tiny Puppies Learning to Howl

If you want to spend the next three minutes going “OH MY GOD” in a high pitched squeal, watch/listen to this.